And some days, How I wish, I was a man..!

I love being a woman. Most of the time. Other times, I feel frustrated, angry and very helpless. Because I am a woman.

Not a single day I walk on the road, not feeling unsafe or threatened by someone. I’m not going to write about all the bad things that happened to me on the road, but my very first experiences on the road years back, not to mention that I got stabbed on the road Twice (I know you 'll be shocked to know  but you heard it right). I was lucky i dint die or it dint give me much pain physically for others to notice since i wanted to keep it as a secret, the reason I'll mention at the end of this.

A few years ago, I got free from work so thought will call my friends and asked them to meet me for a coffee and decided to take a walk alone to a decent eating place. I learnt a long time ago that trying to make friends at office is futile – and anyway, that’s not what I am there for. So there I was, all alone, happy at the thought of digging into a plateful of lasagna. I was speeding off to my place of choice. At the first red light, A car stopped a little away from me – black tinted glasses, blaring music – the vulgar signs of money, brazenness and danger in a city like Male’. I didn’t pay much attention to it, till the guy in the passenger seat opened the door and signaled at me. The door shut when I averted my face. I glanced back. This time the guy in the rear seat had opened the door and was jeering at me. I ignored, because in that situation it was the best I could do. And prayed the light would turn green and the monster would zip away and not chase me.

And that’s what happened – they drove away, after rolling down the windows, staring some more at me from their moving cars and laughing, as if it had been some kind of cruel joke. Those guys in the car, perverts obviously, were probably just enjoying the stricken look on my face when they opened and shut their car doors menacingly. They probably were getting their kick by just scaring a girl. And I’m supposed to thank my lucky stars they didn’t intend any worse than that!

A little way ahead, about half way, a cycle slowed down next to me. There was no one but this one guy. By the looks of him, you’d call him decent, almost suave. But he peered at me several times, giving away the truth behind that face. Unlike the men in the car, who seemed physically threatening, this guy was just checking me out. Not just checking out the way a guy would harmlessly check out a girl, but probably, trying his luck. You know, if I would give him the cue to stop the cycle, smile at him and ask for a ride (or maybe not). And he probably thought he could think that because I was alone in the road walking, around, 11.30 pm? I’ve never been looked at like that. And some part of me felt shamed for having given such notions to a man. Some part of me felt absolutely disgusted. And all of me felt miserable.

There’s no justification for a man to treat a woman like that, to make her feel so vulnerable, so frighteningly unsafe, so helpless in just a glance and a gesture. I felt stupid thinking I had plans of enjoying a meal! I felt stupid for being a woman! And I felt frightened at the thought of coming back to home – yes, that’s all the distance there was between my office and the café.

I wept. Scared to call up anyone, because either they would scold me for venturing out alone or they’d be too scared for me – as women, even though we can’t shield ourselves, we always try to shield the people around us. And that minute, I hated being a woman, hated being so powerless to defend myself. What precaution could I have taken to make myself invulnerable to those men on the street? On a crowded street where everyone’s too busy with their lives to stop and stand up for you? On busy road in the Capital city of the country? Is safety really a luxury for women?