What I want?

Well I'm as selfish As I'm.. so what? This is what I want and i cant lie about what I want.. Many people have spent a lifetime trying to figure this one out. Many a sages went through time to get the answers. But does anyone really know?? Here is my attempt to answer the question as I see it. For the one woman really close to me is Me.

What I want is control over My destiny, a control over My life.( which is something i already have)

I want freedom of choice, of opinion, of living the way I want.

I want to be secured and yet be fancy free!

I want a man who loves me, respects me and cares for me. I want a man who keeps me on a pedestal up there and adore me. I want a man who can trust me for what i say and do. I want a man who really wants me.

I want children when I want them and not when the world thinks I should have them.

I want a home. A warm welcoming place to come back to.

I want friends who are as mad as me and yet understand me.

I want a career and I want the choice to quit when I wish.

I want money. I want the perfect wardrobe. I want a lot of shoes, socks. I want holidays and vacations.

I want a healthy body. I want to love my curves, my color, my skin and my hair. And I do. so Please let me be.

I want to walk at any hour without carrying the pepper-spray or without fear.

I want to be respected. I'm are proud of what I'm, please do not force me to think otherwise.

I want to be an individual first and then be seen as “women”.

Is this asking for a lot??

Why does everyone's life suck?

Disclaimer - This has nothing to do with ANYONE. It is purely objective. Do not look for any hidden allusions to people you may know or references between the lines. There are none.

Many a time, I've heard people go 'Oh my life sucks!' or 'Everything is just horrible! Why me?' or 'It's only ME who's going through a bad time, why is life so unfair?'. I must say I've been guilty of it too at times. But now as look back upon it, it seems kinda pointless. I live by my own guidelines. And so if anything in my life is wrong, it's my fault, not anyone else's. And once I got that, I figured that looking outward for self-pity is not an option. YOU got yourself into the mess, YOU get out of it, simple as that.

Why do people think they're the only ones going through a bad time, if indeed they are? If you look around you, you'll see people suffering as much or a lot more than you. You're lucky if you've got a roof above your head, two square meals a day, clothes to cover your body and a bed to sleep in at night. You're lucky if you have a school or college to go to. You're lucky if you have a job to do. You're lucky if you have family who care for you. You're lucky if you have a hobby, if you have something to keep yourself occupied or if you aren't idle. There's so much to be grateful for in this world, so then why fret over little stuff? I know I probably sound really idealistic and philosophical and stuff, but trust me, it helps. If you realize just what you have and value it a little more, it'll make you a much happier person.

And what exactly defines a 'bad time'? If the person you like doesn't speak to you, is it the end of the world? If a close friend drifts off onto an unknown path, do you break down, stop right there and give yourself misery? If you think you have no friends, do you wall yourself off from the rest of the world and try to reciprocate the 'meanness'? It's not gonna help! Not many people recognize the strength and power of the relationships they have with others. Some bonds are very deep and you don't even know it. There are people I know who probably don't know it, but I'd risk a lot for them. But that's fine by me. They don't need to know it. I'm not looking for anything in return. Friendship is a very deep word and everyone has more friends than they think. And if any of them stray off line, why do you disclaim responsibility and renounce the relationship? They are your friends, you gotta help them. They may not even know they're wrong, you've gotta tell them - they depend on you for that.

At the end of the day, life isn't very long and you have to try and make the most of it. Sometimes, everything may seem like too much to handle. You may wanna just board yourself up in a corner and shut everything out. Well, do it. But after a while, when you come back to reality, look up at where you're going instead of down where you came from. Always look forward to what will be instead of back to what has been. There's always happiness in this world, it's up to you to find it. If you keep demanding more from life, you'll never be satisfied. Instead, sit back and have some fun. Enjoy every little thing to the fullest. In the end, thinking negative harms no one but you.

PS - You may think that I got no clue what I'm talking about. You may say that I've never been in your position, so how would I know? True, but this is only what I believe in and it's worked for me. I've become a lot more relaxed and happier since I started following a lot of this myself. Cheers!

Follow?

Follow your heart or follow your head? An age old question posed in various forms over the ages. There is no right answer though, is there?

In all my (admittedly few) experiences with life so far, I've realized one thing - what I want to do is never what they want me to do. Who's they? They is family, they is friends, they is peers, they is people I respect, they is all the unspoken and unseen parts of society I somehow seem to be offending. Every time I decide to follow my heart and break free of societal shackles, there is a gentle tap on my shoulder. When I turn around, there is a multitude of questions staring me in the face, chief of which always is 'Are you doing the right thing?' 

Accompanying these questions are the thousands of faceless people staring at me like zombies like I’ve committed a terrible crime and should be ostracized from society forever.

It's like I've broken free from the darkness of a dark tunnel onto a beautiful green hillside, but there is always something that draws me back to that dark underbelly of the earth, teeming with rats. The rat race is a really apt term, isn't it?

A lot of this probably stems from my own ego. Acceptance and satisfaction often go hand-in-hand, but think again. Do they really? Societal acceptance and fitting in with the rest (and often bettering them) might give you an ego boost, but at the end of the day, you're still a rat in the darkness. It's always a choice one has to make - a choice between doing what everyone's doing and doing it better than them or doing what one wants to, at the risk of ridicule. Not always an easy choice to make. As I said, follow your heart or follow your head? Because in life, there is no middle path.

The Other Woman..

Love is love.
It can happen to anyone, any where, and You can't control it. It controls you.

I was going through a couple of comments and post on the various views that have come forward in the discussion about Love, Sex aur Dhoka.
 

We have tried to defend the whole thing, stating that love can happen to any one, and every one. We have talked about how society is reacting, and how it should be reacting if not the way it is reacting now. We even know the perspective of a husband, who has been betrayed, and there are more than enough accounts of a broken heart of a woman when she finds about how her husband/ boyfriend has been going around behind her back.
But have we really thought about the other woman? The one, with whom the said affair is going on. How does she feel, knowing that she is the other woman... does she love the boy, or is she also in it because there is some sort of a sexual satisfaction involved in it.
 

Things are easier I guess, if she is in it because there is just sex involves in it (Or so I am assuming) but what happens to her when she is emotionally involved too? Knowing the fact that she is the other woman... do you remember Priyanka Chopra from the movie Fashion ? There, it was a professional relationship with Arbaaz Khan that went all the way to becoming personal and then went sour, because Priyanka started demanding more of his time and eventually had a fall out, and went on to destroy her career once. Of course, one argument is that, she made a mistake and did get a chance to redeem it back.
And she did get her chance too, because, he was in it just for the lure of young sex and excitement.

But what happens, when, both of them are in it for love. The emotional attachment, when she knows that she is the other woman  and she understands that he has responsibilities too.
What does she do? Where does she go? She cares for him, wants to make sure that the world is a better place for him and survives the pain of sharing her love with someone else.
What would you label her? The marriage breaker? Someone who has done a mistake, or someone who is plain stupid to have fallen in love without really giving a bother about the world? but then, when was the last time you fell in love with someone caring a damn about the world...

I know that this post does not really make too much of sense, but I am trying to look at the other side of the coin as well... in law the Principle of Natural Justice says, that you cannot pass a judgement in a case without giving a fair chance to both the parties, so here is my case for the other party.. opinions please?

Love is...!

Some sadist out there must be sitting happily in his heaven! Because, he created the concept of love, and decided that he is going to let the world work on the concepts that he has left behind. And somewhere out here the concepts remained and the practicality of the entire thing parted ways!
And trust me, coming from me, a person who firmly believes in the concept of love and a happily ever after, there must have been a hard hitting reality that must have struck Me!

You know the romance doesn't last forever, but the fact that he or she understands your full stops in the smses also, lives on for a long time!

But the long lasting live based relationship not only requires a lot of patience and compromises, but it requires a lot of self restraint, because there is always  better fish out there!  I am not going to preach as to how, one can imbibe these qualities or run a relationship because no one but the two people in the relationship know how to run their relationship, and what works the best for them!

But here is the thing: you will go through a heart break each time you have a fight with your other half! Each time, a dream shall be broken, but the good part is, that you will always have bandwidth to build a new dream! Just remember, that, the new dream may or may not be drastically different than your own dream, that you had woven before the relationship!
Because, the number of people in your dream increase!
To think about it, we always make that compromise in every relationship, to accommodate peace in it! We just hype it when it comes to the special some one relationship! If you want it, you will take that first step!
Gone are the days when the guy ran behind the girl, but now its totally different..!

Love hurts, accept it! 
It is it's own medicine, 
an unfortunate truth, a
misconceived lie, 
take your pick! 
Love, dream! But above all- 
Believe!!

Some funny thoughts

I 'm pissed that i had to come to work this Friday evening, because I missed Redbull Air Show, and the worst part is when i see all my friends tweeting about how great the show was! but i was left with no other choice so while browsing through Internet  I saw these really funny pictures. I thought maybe they belong here for you guys to have a good laugh at.. Some of them are so true and show's the sad reality of this post modern generation.

 

F***ing - Yay!!

I am seriously pissed off.

Above all, I’m pissed off that not everyone is pissed off.

What the f*** is the big deal about the World @ 7 billion?! We should be ducking our heads and hiding in shame. SHAME! Instead, here we are, just like the f***ing apes we descended from, thumping our chests in pride about the fact that we have all been ‘fucking’ so much and pushed the world’s population to this incredibly unnecessary number. According to National Geographic it would take 200 YEARS just to count out loud to 7 billion!!

Some say that the world of 7 billion is both a “challenge” and an “opportunity.” Surely the word ‘challenge’ is the grossest understatement ever! And opportunity???!!! If I were to wager a guess, ‘opportunity’ here would probably mean some typically Unrealistically optimistic tripe about how we now have 7 billion pairs of hands to help solve all the world’s problems. I guess they’re using our glorious past as the basis for this brilliant hypothesis. Just FYI, they ‘celebrated’ the World at 6 Billion in 1999. That campaign must have been seriously awesome because just look at how those 6 billion pairs of hands have helped make the world a better place! In fact, that 6 billion gave us a whole billion more to help fix all the world’s problems!!

Do you know what happened to the eagerly awaited 6 billionth baby? He turned twelve this year. The good news is that the UN at least still sends him a birthday card.

Some say that in many ways a world of 7 billion is an achievement: Globally, people are living longer and healthier lives.

Why the f*** should this be considered an achievement? The way I see it, call it pessimistic, this just means MORE people have MORE time to fuck up the world some MORE.

I’m not angry because there are too many people in the world living longer and healthier lives, in fact, all figures available indicate that the rate at which the population grows has been reducing steadily. I’m angry because there are too many blissfully ignorant people in the world. 7 billion people standing shoulder to shoulder would fill up the city of Los Angeles. Clearly the issue is not space. It’s the contradictions we live in. The Tadiwala Road slum in Pune is right behind Le Meridien. In fact, they share a wall. That should sound strange, no?

Have you watched planet earth? The “Ice Worlds” episode shows this beautiful female polar bear and her two cubs who are crawling out of their den for the first time since their birth. It ends with this sad, hungry polar bear, struggling pathetically over melting, wafer-thin slabs of ice, and then having to swim for miles and miles and f***ing miles looking for food, risking drowning if it didn’t find land before it staggers on to a rock packed with a large saber toothed walruses. Hide and blubber so thick, this once proud predator curled up and prepared to die.

Who are we trying to save and more importantly whatever for!??! Are we really so f***ing anthropocentric that we don’t give a damn shit about the rest of life on our planet? We’re parasites. Locusts. With us gone the planet will survive. The polar bears will keep hunting seal.

Some say that the world at 7 billion is an “occasion to recognize and celebrate our common humanity and diversity.”  Why do we need to get to 7 billion in order to recognize and celebrate our common humanity?

Where’s the ‘common humanity’ in this picture? We don’t care. Why should we? We have our lives. Our families. Our communities. Our problems.

Celebrate our diversity… yeah, tell that to our gay friends, that they get ridiculed in and forgotten. Tell that to the person using drugs on the street, and then selling her body to buy more. But that’s no Benetton add is it? No, not a safe celebration at all, in fact, f*** celebrating that kind of diversity. We need punitive laws for some of the 7 billion.

Yes, they are not part of our culture I am told. Sexual violence, child abuse and rape appears to be right at home though – as are the culturally acceptable.?

But let’s return to the rest of the ‘normal and culturally acceptable’ 7 billion; like I said before, it’s not too many people on the Earth. It’s just too many pointless existences. You don’t like it. Tough. Stop reading. If you’re continuing, here’s what I think about there being 7 billion people on earth  And here is why I think that some of these existences are pointless: bad parenting. Yes, you read right.

None of us had a choice. We didn’t choose to be born. We’re a result of other people’s choices/accidents/tragedies – call it what you will. But we are at least born with the chance to redeem ourselves – what a waste when we remain unaware about life and continue to breed more unaware philistines.

There’s bad parenting here. On a large scale. And we’re perpetuating cluelessness when we don’t think about these things. How many of us can say we set the best example for our kids. And really, that’s all you can do – set the best example.

All the time we tell our kids to share. Don’t fight. Share. And yet, we never do. And 7 billion not sharing resources fairly is a disaster.

What example are we setting for our kids when we say – go to this international school, study subjects like geography and history – learn that in October 2011 we  hit the 7 billion – learn about the poverty in Africa and starving children in Somalia –but be ready at 4 when I come to pick you up to take you to Marry brown , feed you, shop for you from  the most expensive shops and Gucci for kids, then when you’re 18 you can go to university and study international relations and join a large multilateral – preach tolerance and don’t forget to stone the gay f***ers living next door – don’t worry they deserve it because they’re acting anti-cultural – one day you will find a wife (because you can’t be gay and that’s the way to prove it) – then you and the wife can f*** in this one secret position to ensure you don’t make a gay baby – no not gay – just as clueless as you are though – don’t worry about those Somali kids – nothing you can do – you’re all the way over here aren’t you.

Being angry isn’t a bad thing. Anger gets an unfair amount of bad press. All this focus on being happy and instant gratification – we forget that it’s ok to be angry or rather we’re angry about all the wrong things – why aren’t we angry that women are being raped by UN peace keeping forces that are supposed to protect them, why aren’t we angry that some rapists were acquitted,  why aren’t we angry that children (just like ours) are starving in so many parts of the world, why aren’t we angry that there are just 790 mountain gorillas left in the world – it doesn’t seem right that we get so caught up with our lives and our loves that we can’t stop to wonder why we want children.

If you really believe you can be a good parent and really believe you can contribute positively to the upbringing of another individual, think a little, why doesn’t some other parentless child somewhere in the world deserve your contribution? Surely wanting to procreate more than twice using your own gene pool is just arrogant??! I’m not saying limit the number of children you have. But my god, just be a little generous with your heart. You’ve got two of your own and now you want more, do something good for someone else’s kid. I know some of you might say, it’s a little scary to pick up a seed when you don’t know what tree it’s fallen from, and I’m not about to get into the whole nature versus nurture argument. But if you’re really worried about that, you can’t be very sure of your own parenting skills, in which case you have no business having ANY kids, least of all more unstable, insecure versions of yourself.

It still comes down to the basics of parenting – how many of you can say you set the best example for your children? How many of you can say you talk to your children, on a regular basis, about being socially and environmentally aware?

Because given the time and world we’re living in, nothing has been more important than that.

So many reasons why you won’t, or want to but cannot help…. Only one reason why you should… because really the truth is you can…

It seems only fair. And if you can’t help.. at least don’t continue to procreate.. what’s the point? If your kids are going to be as unproductive as you’ve been, why bother? That’s just a bit selfish no? Not to mention delusional arrogance in imagining the world wants or needs more of your unproductive, selfish selves in the world. Are you worried about your next life? You think God will thank you for sitting on your ass and continuing to f*** and make babies while others are dying? Didn’t he say to help people that need it?

We’re greedy. We’re telling our kids it’s ok to be greedy. And we’re getting away with it. For now.

I want rain

I want rain. Not just piddly showers that are blown around with the wind, stinging your face as a thousand mosquitoes would. I want showers, the kind that no umbrella can really hope to keep out and any reasonable expedition outdoors means that a change of clothes is forthcoming.

If the clouds are going to keep the sun out, I want them coming in huge rolling banks, ones I can stare at with awe as I sit by the sea on a promenade. When it finally begins to pour, I want to retire to the Pizzeria nearby and watch it do so.

I don't even mind having to deal with leaky windows and muddy shoes, rain soaked clothes and the occasional sniffle. It seems like a small price to pay now, at least when compared to depressingly glooming days, no rain and biting wind. I may still moan about mud-splattered jeans and dirty floors and the occasional flood, but I'll take them over grey days and empty promises of an almost-monsoon.

Even a thunderstorm would be nice. There was a time I was really scared of both lightning and thunder, but that has given away to awe. A not-so-gentle reminder, perhaps, of the fury and power that nature can be capable of. And I miss the smell of the earth. Just once I would like that fragrance of freshly drenched soil, that even a concrete jungle like Male' can't hide.

Is it too much to ask for?

Social Networking!

At what point do you draw the line with adding new people to your "Friends" list on your choice of Social Network?

I'm at the point where I see daily requests from people who I knew in school\college, or worse, those who don't know me at all. Some of these I haven't spoken to at all or even while in school simply because they were either not in my class or belonged to a different circle of friends or I don't know whether they exists or not.

I am also both cursed and blessed with having been a recognizable kid in those days - for reasons good (being a leader/president of student association n for being my dads daughter!). This means there are more people that know me than I know them, including a fair set of juniors who I probably only met while either going around begging for votes or shouting at them to walk in a straight line! And I'm glad you people remember me, for it does wonders to me ego. But add you to my list?

Why would you want to know about my life today? I mean, it's not going to be of much help to you. If they needed information based on my location, education or occupation, surely a personal message would suffice. I don't even mind meeting them in person. Heck, I'm game for the occasional reunion in Male’ when I can catch up with old acquaintances and find out who's doing what and has how many kids; I would look forward to it. But that's an annual event, not a daily broadcast.

And there are those people I don't *want* to get back into touch with. How do you tell someone who you never really got along with back in those days that "I had no reason to like you then and I don't see why I should expose some of the more personal details of my life to you"? And so I either ignore the request (and watch the count pile up, gnawing at me) or I say "Not Now" only to get another request a few days later.

I'm not one of those people that like to see a ballooning 'friends' count. Having a thousand people on my list would be meaningless if I was nominally in touch with only fifty. At some point, all the relevant signal will be swamped by noise generated when hundred of people I 'know' change their profile photo, or get into and out of relationships, or check into some restaurant in Male’ or in somewhere else. And I'm not sure I want this attention.

At the same time, I remain aware of the fact that if I ignore them here, at the next reunion I will probably get a cold shoulder from a whole lot of people who know I'm active online through the pages of other friends but have been obviously not accepting their requests to be 'friends'. I'm not sure I will have an acceptable excuse then or even if I do, I'll wake up next morning to find two dozen new friend requests.

I suppose one solution to this is to take a little extra time in organising and sorting contacts in your network, either in the form of Lists in Facebook or Circles in Google Plus. This will probably help me be selective about what information I share. But do I want to know more about their lives too? If not, and if I don't want to share my life with them, why have them on my list in the first place? There are times I've been on some people's friend lists only to have no access to their albums, info or their Walls. Why have me on your list then? We could as well communicate through private messages.

The only other move would have been not to play at all, but I'm already in the game. I *like* being in the social network. There are friends and family and even people on the internet I have never met that I enjoy interacting with and knowing more about. I get to stay abreast of family events that happen in my absence. I like the links, the videos, the funny statuses I so often see. And from an egotistical point of view, I like having my thoughts heard, my links commented on and my photos "liked" (or +1ed in the future, I guess). So logging out forever is not an option.

Which means I remain in social network limbo, neither able to leave nor liking the visibility that comes with it. The irony of musing about and asking for a solution to this on a social platform doesn't escape me either, but I'd love an insight into what people think about this, and what they do in such situations.

What they don't tell you about growing up!

You were small, and you cried every time you fell. Every bruised knee, de-skinned elbow, broken bone had you bawling. And the older you got, the more people around you said for progressively severe injuries "Big girls (or boys) don't cry when they get hurt".

And they were right. You fall down and tear a knee ligament enough to make you scream, enough to make the doctor that saw you want to give you a pain-killing injection. But cry you didn't, however bad you were hurt.

They never tell you that pain is not caused only by open wounds.

They told you that big girls and boys don't get scared of sleeping alone, when you demanded to be admitted to the same bed as the parents.

And they were right. You got adjusted to new-found freedom, the ability to stay up late as much as you wanted.

They never tell you you will hate to sleep alone.

They said you would learn from your mistakes, and that you would face them like a grown up.

And they were right. You find it easier to raise your hand now and say, "My mistake. Sorry."

They never tell you that your mistakes will be progressively more expensive.

The one thing you were always told was to Never Trust Strangers.

And they were right. It will pay for you to be cynical and suspicious of people who appear to be nice, for people will take advantage of you.

They never tell you that sometimes they - and you - could be completely wrong.

Shut up. Just shut up!

I cannot stand eternal pessimists - people who are just negative about everything. They think that just because they could do nothing, others don't stand a chance to do the same either. I have no offense against people who do not have political views but I do object such people commenting on political causes, criticizing the people who take initiatives for the betterment of people and sit on their couches and pass statements like ‘Nothing can do away the corruption in this nation!’

No matter how much you try to prove your point and instill a hope in their minds they always win. Because you always fall short of words when they start to speak about the negatives points regarding an issue and there is no point raising your voice to convince them. It never works.

The worst part is when you have such people talking against the government, its policies and the people running the government among your friends!

All you can do is just shut up and hope that corruption and all the other stains against the government would one day be wiped clean (well at least to a great extent) and that would shut the mouths of those who do nothing but pass the buck and shrug off their own responsibilities.

I am not trying to defend the government here but I do believe if all have a little faith we can definitely make a change. And if we cannot get up and fight for the change at least we should not pull down others who are fighting for it!

Need a pain killer.... do you have one??

To have a heap of emotions in your head almost about to blast off and not being able to express them is so frustrating. Its like if you don't find a vent for your emotions you'll cross the mark of sanity and break down the next moment.

 

Ok, so I am alone.
People are busy. No problem
No one cares a shit. No issues
No one can understand. Perfectly alright!

But at least let me write! At least let me speak up! At least find me words to pen down in my diary!!

 

Why do I have to be robbed of words when I begin to write something?

Am I not even supposed to tell my blog about how sick I feel??

Why does writer's block strike when I am miserable as hell and have no way out of the mess?!!


I try to smile but the pain grows inside. I try to forget and guilt creeps back into my mind.

Why??....  why does life have to be so fucking hard sometimes???

When the road you are trudging seems all uphill...

There comes a time in life when you are down in the dumps. It feels like you will never come out of it.

Your life, health (mental & physical) everything goes for a toss. Everything is lurking in unpredictability. All it needs is slight push and it'll will fall off the edge.
If that isn't enough, the people you love the most are far away from you and suffering equally as you are.
You know their misery and yet you don't have the will or the strength to pick up the phone and call them, leave alone consoling them.

You pray hard, you try everything to make things work but you end up losing everything.

You want to cry to someone. You want to hear someone say 'It is going to be Ok'. You need a shoulder to rest your head on, just close your eyes for a while and feel peaceful.
But helplessly, you sleep on it only to find the next day worse than the one that passed.

All I wanted was to be happy, all I wanted was peace of mind... never knew it was so hard to find.

Some things never change?

Actually, they change all the time. Remember old wise men telling us how change is inevitable, and how its the only constant thing in life? Well, they're right. *Sigh*

A friend recently wrote to me saying "You know, I have a lot of friends here, but its difficult to understand what rights  I have over them. For instance, I cant call someone up and yell at them for having forgotten my birthday or simply not calling back! It seems like charm school!"
And I got it. I got her. Small things like this mean a whole lot more. I love that I can call up my best friend, and be raving mad at her for something, and have the "right" to be angry, upset or happy with her, and tell her/him so. Its something we take for granted. Its something 'I' took for granted.
I can never be friends with a person if I don't know my "rights" or level of acquaintance. I need to understand where I stand in that persons life, and be on the same page. Let me explain what I mean by the help of the categories in my mind. (Please note all situations are vice versa!)

Category 1 -The Acquaintance If your someone I never share feelings with, but just meet socially your an acquaintance. I can never be mad at you, or expect anything from you - like call backs, informing me about developments in your life etc. and vice versa.
Category 2 - The Good friend- If your someone who I've had slightly personal conversations with, but are not someone I'd be comfortable telling everything to, or hang out with outside of a social gathering, then we're better than acquaintances, but not as good as best friends. In this case, your not someone I'd call up specifically and talk about life changes or things, but if we meet Id speak with you on a more personal level than I would an acquaintance. Expectations are at a minimal level.
Category 3 - The Best friends a.k.a the close inner circle - This is the best category to be. We can hang out alone together for hours, talk about the most personal of personal stuff, trust each other completely. Expectations and 'rights' are the highest here. Right to be mad, Right to demand an explanation, right to do something special, expect it back etc.

Its important for me to gauge where my friendship with a person stands and which compartment he/she fits into. for e.g. I cannot imagine an 'expectation-less' close friendship, one where I speak with someone only in good times, disappear for long durations, resurface and disappear again and expect not to be questioned. Cause if your someone close to me, your capable of hurting me by things you say and do, and if we cant talk about it and I dont have the 'right' to be mad at you, I'd downgrade that to an acquaintance and treat you accordingly then.

 I take my friendships and people who I love very seriously. Its in my blood. But yeah, I'm equally good at letting go (now). I'm done with the half hear-ted friendships, the being taken for granted and all that jazz.

What was I saying about Change? Everything changes. well yeah.
In yesterdays case, some waists were narrower, some hips wider, some one's hair longer, and another ones straighter, yet another's eyes de-spectacled. Conversations revolved around finding and losing jobs, impending marital ceremonies and insistent singlehood as opposed to crushes and fixing basketball matches of the past. So change there was plenty.

Still, together, we were the same loud, crazy, hysterical kids who went to school years ago, looking back at pictures of our uglier days, wondering how we got here so soon. SO DARN SOON.
P.S - besties if you ever read this, I missed you idiots!

How do you know?

Everyone around me is either taking the plunge, about to take it, or obsessing about taking it. How do you know when he's the one? How do you know if She's the one? One life is all we've got... how do we understand whose the best person to share it with, to be witness to our ups and downs. There are no right answers - only perspectives.

Having been through a fair share of 'I think its him' and 'Oh god NO's' I'm more certain of what I don't want - than what I actually do want. Ive turned from a girl easily influenced by Romantic Comedies who identified with all the heartbroken leading ladies except for the last bit when they're swept by the man of their dreams (When that part came on, I'd cry).... to one who knows Real life is more subdued, there's no background music and sometimes what isn't said, but felt - is prettier than a romantic line from a love song...


A girlfriend almost in a relationship with someone did background checks on his family and standard of living etc.. this was purely genuine protecting herself - before she got into something she dint have a clue about. A good mix of rational thinking in love. I wholly agreed with her decision, but at the same time thought back to the time A happened. I went along with the feeling in my heart and just let go. I have not met his parents yet, and am not willing to do so until my parents come around (They haven't yet). Here i realized how my claims of being more rational and realistic than a few years ago got rubbished in an instant. Somehow love for me has always been something I cant mix procedures with, But I see how important it is. I do.

I want to be married to a man who balances me... who I can talk nineteen to a dozen with, but whom I can also be silent with -- content with the moment, and his being, comforted by his Aura, silenced by his strength and rejuvenated with his presence... Less than perfect is perfect. Exactly what I want. I dont want to wonder if A is the one, imagine a wedding and a 'beyond'. I want to KNOW.

So how do you know? Will you know when you have a fight all day but the minute you feel slightly sick he's forgotten that it was your fault to begin with? Or that the first person you want to call when your happy or your sad is him? Or that you love how he treats your kid brother? Or how he doesnt say the perfect things all the time, but when he does say somethign nice your day is made? Maybe. Maybe not.


In a way Im tired of not knowing. I want my life to move on, I want to unveil 'him', that person whose mine all mine. I want to be proposed to, and have a ring on my finger and belong to someone. I want to a have a home and decide what colour tiles my bathroom will have. Give in, completely - mind and body and know what its like. Finding out what its like to go home to someone and lie down next to someone and wake up next to him and know he's yours.

Comeone life, get a move on!

All I do is miss you, and the way we used to be.

I'm beginning to understand why people get 'boring' as they get older. Why butterflies in the stomach 'used to be' that feeling you knew, why it gets harder as time flies by. It was a strange, startling discovery when a song played in the background yesterday - Romeo and Juliet by Dire straits. One of my favorites.. Ive been humming it ever since.

I'm a music person - I had a song for every mood - mellow, happy, sad, sad-sad, happy-sad, melancholy, in love, heartbreak, make up, break up, aloof, spaced out.... I had one playing in my mind everyday and that song defined my mood. I remember this week that "Bittersweet symphony" was the song in my mind and I went about the week feeling randomly disjoint and pieced apart. This other time Boulevard of broken dreams was playing on my mind and I had a nasty few days since it reminded me of a friend whose no more. And it was his favorite song. Hungry eyes was that song I danced to. You get my drift.

Today on my way to work in the cab, I realized how the music in my life has been replaced. Slowly, without realizing the transformation I was talking to myself each day - debating the outcome of my day, the presentation I am supposed to make, that conversation I had last night, the emails I need to reply to, where my relationship is going, what Im going to write in my application essays... its all getting thought without a background score in place.

It was after that I hooked up my laptop and played back some of my favorite music - Mark Knofler, Coldplay, maroon 5, floyd... its safe to say that the state Im in currently could be called "on a trip" or "spaced out" or some other such vaguely intense definition.

Each song hides moments, memories - nestled in the notes, the lyrics. Its like Mark Knofler said "All i do is kiss you - through the bars of a rhyme". I've hidden so many stolen moments, kisses, glances, rides, tears, fears in the folds of so many songs... and discovering them sometimes by accident is just a delicious tingle - a feeling so infinite, of being able to travel time and 'relive'.

Moments have a way of shrinking when put into words - but they magnify when romanced with music. making love, out of nothing at all.

Here's to a homecoming - to my favorite boys - Dave Matthews band , Dire Straits , maroon 5, coldplay, Neil Diamond, Randy travis, Richard Clayderman, and my girlies - Norah Jones, Alanis and Tracy.

The Song I'd dedicate right now? 1992 Serendipity - Forever and Ever, Amen. Randy Travis. (click link for song)

If you don't stop this.. Who will??

Children are like little bundles of innocence and miracle. They are meant to be nurtured and cared for. They deserve every ounce of protection that parents can provide. Birth of a child is considered as one of the most joyous occasions in the life of an individual. Then why do the same individuals fail to protect their cherished child? Why is it that the society and appearances become more important than insuring justice for your child?

Whether we accept it or not, whether we talk about it or not, the fact remains that, One in every three girls have been sexually assaulted by the age of 18, more than 50% children have been sexual abused. This happens across sections of societies and to both girls and boys.

Confrontation is not easy for most people. It requires grit to break shackles and speak up. But how can people not confront the person who has harmed their own children. Why is it that when it comes to dealing with the abuser of their own child, these parents decide to remain silent.

The social stigma has long been associated with the victim. The burden of shame has long been on the tender shoulder of the abused. The families in most cases ignore the signs and even if they notice they try and hush the matter. The first reaction in most cases is to take no notice of it, and even when noticed, more often than not, the next reaction is of disbelief. 

And then the ever prevalent belief that something like this will not happen to “us and our children”. Of course, no one likes to live in constant fear and paranoia. But isn’t shutting eyes an extremely lame thing to do?

Things need to change and change begins with you. There frankly is no more space left under the carpet now. Too much of hushing and shoving has happened. Time we start accepting and talking about it.

Educating, discussing about child sexual abuse and bringing it out of the closet are the initial steps towards prevention. Only if the child knows what is right and what is wrong will he/she alert parents. Instilling confidence and believing the child is the next step. And god forbid if something happens; there should be absolutely no question about punishing the abuser. For your own conscience and for your child. How else will you be able to look into those eyes ever again without feeling guilty?

Thinking back, I realize how protective my parents always were. Without making my sisters and me a mistrustful bunch of kids, they always ensured that we were under the right and the watchful eyes. 

They told us what was right and wrong and we knew they would trust us if at all something like this happened. 

Children deserve a happy and a safe childhood. And no matter what we as adults have to provide it. 

"Tiny hands begging to stop. Wiping away helpless tears. Little fingers wanting to be held… hands that weakly defend themselves… against those that relentlessly fall. Wishes.... left unanswered. Hopes...all in vain. Lost on the breeze…..lost in time itself. Gathering dust in some small child’s life. And pain from which there is no escape....

     And then hands that rise to strike…to hurt and take away….that inflict pain.. and deliberately bruise…that leave emotional scars and …and break dreams into a million pieces. How can these very hands that can hold the world in their grip, yield so much suffering? How sublime can man be in his ability to rise…and how low can he fall in his power to destroy!"

A Piece of Motivation

It's the choices we make that brought us where we are and will bring us where we want to be...

Today, I attended a 3- hour session that I thought would be just like the other sessions we had to attend this seminar which are dreadfully boring. But with this one, I actually managed to be attentive for the most part of it despite some of the eyebrow-raising things the speakers claimed about themselves. I just don't easily buy what other people especially strangers tell me. You shouldn't, too. Ways on how to become successful and be the better version of yourself are the main topics. Fascinating, huh? I would like to share with you guys the points that made an impact on me...

You've got to know what you really want in life. Remember that it will not be served to you on a silver platter. You've got to take actions and work for it! Be consistent, persistent and focused! And soon enough, you'll get there!

Do not be afraid to cross the line towards success! Some may see it as a wall, but instead look at it as a thin line. Try minimizing your exposure with people who settle for mediocrity and those who prevent you from crossing the line! Free yourself from doubts and reasons why you can't go there! Think positively! Refuse settling for just the average! You've got to aim for greatness!

At 211 degrees, water is hot. At 212 degrees, it boils. And with boiling water, comes steam. And steam can power a train. One tiny degree made a huge difference. This concept has a message that reminds us of how a small amount of extra effort and attention can have a big impact on results.

People are judgmental by nature, yes? And most of the time, it's your actions or how you project yourself that affect their judgements. So if you're being judged to be somebody you're not or you want to change the way you're being judged, let's say you're judged to be arrogant or a snob, maybe you could ask yourself if what led people to think so. Maybe your actions scream "arrogant"/"snob", so what you have to do to change that is maybe you could try to project a softer and a more inviting exterior. It's just as simple as acting on how you wanna be perceived or judged.

I still have so much to share but for some reason as I rummage through my mind, some of the ideas appear to be vague... I'm positive this is not some sort of a memory gap... Well, I hope not. Haha! This seminar is just what I needed! It just gave me that push to actually go after what I want! I'm definitely going to apply these and see where life takes me! Anyway, I do hope that these things would come in handy not only for me but also for y'all. :)

“Can I purchase some contraceptive pills?”

You heard it right, I wasn't looking for a way to get attention, but attention gave me something to Write. So here is the story..  When people hear you talking about contraceptive methods, sex or reproductive health, it becomes a taboo, Without knowing what that even means.. Believe it or not I'm talking about this society I'm living in, Male', so imagine the situation of an island, I bet its worse than this..
People who know me, or my friends think I'm an expert of this things, cox i talk about it when i feel its right, I believe its something we should know, I write about it in my blog, so its not a big deal if they wanna know and ask me.. Some of them don't even recognize this as a taboo, since they don't talk about it at all. (I'm not telling you to "talk about it" but to know)

I was thinking of what I should write this week, till a friend of mine called and asked me questions on contraceptive pills or Depo-Provera . ( people presume I am an expert on this, I am clueless as to how the assumption was created, but it is existent, so I am forced to deal with it)
So yes, she goes on to tell me, that she needs to stop her periods since its not very regular and asked me how she is gonna get some pills, and how it works.

Here I am left wondering what she needs to learn in the long term. But in the meantime try to tell her to go get a medical checkup, so that all the doubts will be resolved and she would not be giving me details. I pity the girl, then again, life is not predictable, and precaution is always best.( So I have come to believe these days, at least.)

It's not that easy to get those pills, especially if you are  not married, its regulated for a good reason (i guess.) but what you need to know is, not to judge people for things that you see from outside..
Yes! Here I’m not going to talk about contraceptive pills, pregnancy, health issues or anything like that, but how easily people draw conclusions and judge!!
First you need to know me, (I'm 23, not married yet, 4"11 and really tinny tiny.. i mean I’m very thin.. I don’t see that as a problem, and if I tell you my weight you'll be like 'OMG!! Ur so small and Tiny’ “you don’t eat?') Well it doesn't matter what you think! I know me, my body, things which is related to me, things I like to do and what I like to eat (and the list can still go on)
I have something (not something) which some people are not aware of, which is known as Endometriosis (Go to the link If ur interested to knw) and please don't tel me thats the reason why I'm so thin!! (I knw some people will think that too cox i have heard it a lot)
Well thats not the reason why I'm telling you i have endometriosis, but the treatment I'm taking for it, Its contraceptive pills and injections. (knw about it on ur own if u want to . :P ) Trust me its a big headache when you have to follow certain rules in your life for some stupid reasons you have no control over. First few months I dint go to buy those pills and injections here in Male' since doctor gave me medicine for first two months in Lanka, (that’s where i started my treatment.)
But the judging part started here in Male', since the first time i went to IGMH to get my injections! I went to nursing station, i gave her my prescription and injection,  she stared at me for a minute and asked me "Pain sux ryt" ( that’s verbal Abuse!!) pooofhhh is that even a question to ask from a patient?  then she told me "ur so thin how am i suppose to give u this injection" (what the hell) that’s the only thing which came to my mind. 
I really get mad at people who judge me (I can say this thousand more times, if ur ready to listen)

So I thought for a test run, I will go purchase some contraceptive pills for myself at the STO Pharmacy. So I walk in, very sure of myself, and tell the pharmacist. “Can I purchase some contraceptive pills?” and she goes “what?”
I repeat “contraceptive pills”
I get a blank look and a little blushing of the cheeks.
I think we know why people do not go to purchase contraceptive pills. You do not want to be running off from a pharmacy hiding two tablets which the pharmacist discretely puts into your hands.
And yes, an average person would be quite discouraged to go through the ordeal, I thought, while the person standing behind gave me a weird look on getting a glimpse of what I said.
Sigh!

Then i gave her my prescription, and she realized i was talking to her.. (its just a small part of it, Every time when i go there or anywhere else there are people who are ready to judge and tell me, without knowing me) and that pisses me off!!!

As always i tell you this, It's my life. I'll live it, I'll love it, and I won't care what you think of it. You’ll never ever meet another like me. Unless you have lived my life, don’t judge me cause, you don’t know, never have & never will know every little thing & detail about my life.!!