Each year we, the whole world Celebrates 8th March As International Women's day. While we celebrate a day to empower women, the unfortunate fact is that women are still not paid equally to that of their male counterparts, women still are not present in equal numbers in business or politics, and globally women's education, health and the violence against them is worse than that of men. The story doesn't end just by putting the blame on someones head, but Its time for us, Women to shine on our own..
Marilyn French says that half the women are a contended lot not because they are happy but because they don’t know of better things that they are missing. I don’t remember the exact quote, but this is more or less the gist of what she has written.
Well, what about the other half of the women then? Let’s for a moment consider the girls and young women of today who come from educated and well-to-do backgrounds, who have the choice of a profession or the chance to pursue their interests. Can we honestly say that all these girls go ahead and do what they want? More pertinently, how many of them are serious and committed about achieving something in life?
A statement by one of my classmate made me think and write it. She told me that she want to get married after her studies and have a family, not just her but lot of my friends back then usually talk about is their boyfriends and getting married.
If that is the case with girls who have nothing stopping them from reaching for the sky, what can one say about the average, often repressed girls? Their role models are often the older women including their mothers, aunts and grandmothers in their lives. If at all there is some one who has broken the Rule and has dared to strike her own path, she is an object of either awe or disdain. It is very rarely that they might want to emulate such a person for fear of being branded. At best, they might fantasize about being like her.
The average woman has her life and role cut out for her. She has the mandatory school/college education as the case may be and then gets married to the boy of her choice, or in some cases to someone chosen by her elders. And after marriage, she conforms to the age-old stereotypes of a wife and mother and grandmother as she advances in age.
I have nothing against girls getting married and settling down. But is it the only choice of a woman in today’s world? Why should it stop them from aspiring for something more? Many of these girls are talented and academically brilliant, but the urge simply is missing. Standing up for themselves is either something that has not crossed their minds or if it has, is too much of an effort and too intimidating a prospect.
Isn’t mediocrity the easy way out? Come to think of it, acceptance is easy; by toeing the line, you don’t have to be responsible for your actions; it doesn’t involve struggle; it gets you the approval of family and society for being so compliant. It is only when you break the mould that the struggle starts. Why go to all that trouble when you can lie back and take what destiny (or family and society) has in store for you? Then at least you have someone else to blame for your misfortunes and get sympathy in the bargain!
This acceptance also gives them the stoicism to take a drunk or philanderer of a Husband as their fate, a bunch of kids as nothing out of the ordinary, the death of their dreams if they had any, as karma.
Many of them don’t even want to think! Their stock reply to any question about what they want in life is, “I will complete my ‘education’ (Alevel) and get married. I would like to have a career, and my boyfriend wants us to get married.”
Happy to hear the word ‘career’, I say, “Great! What would you like to do?”
It doesn’t take long for me to realize that they have not given it any serious thought. For them the word ‘career’, is synonymous with a job and so it is just another routine as cooking and cleaning. But one good thing about even holding a mundane job is that it gives their personalities at least another dimension than just the stereotypical person they otherwise are within the four walls of their home.
I am not saying that it is easy in repressive societies and even in normal ones like the ones most girls and women live in; nor am I suggesting that they take any radical route to freedom. Just that they learn to think for themselves; get out of the complacency that gives them a false sense of security; believe in themselves.
This is not the preserve of women who have had a liberal upbringing or those who come from well-to-do backgrounds. When a spark is there inside you, it will burst forth into a flame one day. The idea is to light that spark and not let it get extinguished no matter what. I have known many women who were in the most abusive of relationships and yet who managed to retain their creativity, sense of humor and self worth.
Interestingly, more and more parents, especially the mothers, are encouraging their daughters to break free of the shackles of tradition and are willing to support them in their efforts. They might not be in the majority but their number is growing. These are the ones who never had a chance to do what they had dreamt of doing and therefore want to give their daughters that chance. All they want is for the girls to take the initiative to stand up for themselves. But do these girls do that?
A thinking person has a choice in life. She need not only become a professional or career woman. She does what she wants and on her terms. How many of our professional women today are willingly taking breaks from their lucrative and satisfying career to raise their children? Working flexi-hours, working from home, doing something on one’s own – they are making choices. Others opt out of the rat-race altogether. What is important is that they have control over their own lives because they are willing to think and take decisions affecting their lives themselves.
Let us for a moment talk of the uneducated women. My neighbor refuses to go to her Island since there are no proper schools for her son. She and her sisters, two of whom are married in the same Island have told their husbands that they could go back but they themselves would stay on in Male’ and educated their children. They incidentally are working despite it not being ‘supported’ by their families.
That makes it doubly depressing when I hear girls from better financial and social backgrounds wail that they never thought about their lives or that they are confused.
Have you heard of the story about the bird swamped by shit?
Well it goes like this: a bird on its migratory trail became so weak with cold that it fell on a field unable to fly any further. A cow ambling along dropped its dung on the hapless bird. Too weak to move, the bird lay under the heap, finding it surprisingly warm and cozy. Yes, it was a pile of shit, but what the hell! It was a warm pile of shit, wasn’t it?
That about sums it up, folks!
