If you don't stop this.. Who will??

Children are like little bundles of innocence and miracle. They are meant to be nurtured and cared for. They deserve every ounce of protection that parents can provide. Birth of a child is considered as one of the most joyous occasions in the life of an individual. Then why do the same individuals fail to protect their cherished child? Why is it that the society and appearances become more important than insuring justice for your child?

Whether we accept it or not, whether we talk about it or not, the fact remains that, One in every three girls have been sexually assaulted by the age of 18, more than 50% children have been sexual abused. This happens across sections of societies and to both girls and boys.

Confrontation is not easy for most people. It requires grit to break shackles and speak up. But how can people not confront the person who has harmed their own children. Why is it that when it comes to dealing with the abuser of their own child, these parents decide to remain silent.

The social stigma has long been associated with the victim. The burden of shame has long been on the tender shoulder of the abused. The families in most cases ignore the signs and even if they notice they try and hush the matter. The first reaction in most cases is to take no notice of it, and even when noticed, more often than not, the next reaction is of disbelief. 

And then the ever prevalent belief that something like this will not happen to “us and our children”. Of course, no one likes to live in constant fear and paranoia. But isn’t shutting eyes an extremely lame thing to do?

Things need to change and change begins with you. There frankly is no more space left under the carpet now. Too much of hushing and shoving has happened. Time we start accepting and talking about it.

Educating, discussing about child sexual abuse and bringing it out of the closet are the initial steps towards prevention. Only if the child knows what is right and what is wrong will he/she alert parents. Instilling confidence and believing the child is the next step. And god forbid if something happens; there should be absolutely no question about punishing the abuser. For your own conscience and for your child. How else will you be able to look into those eyes ever again without feeling guilty?

Thinking back, I realize how protective my parents always were. Without making my sisters and me a mistrustful bunch of kids, they always ensured that we were under the right and the watchful eyes. 

They told us what was right and wrong and we knew they would trust us if at all something like this happened. 

Children deserve a happy and a safe childhood. And no matter what we as adults have to provide it. 

"Tiny hands begging to stop. Wiping away helpless tears. Little fingers wanting to be held… hands that weakly defend themselves… against those that relentlessly fall. Wishes.... left unanswered. Hopes...all in vain. Lost on the breeze…..lost in time itself. Gathering dust in some small child’s life. And pain from which there is no escape....

     And then hands that rise to strike…to hurt and take away….that inflict pain.. and deliberately bruise…that leave emotional scars and …and break dreams into a million pieces. How can these very hands that can hold the world in their grip, yield so much suffering? How sublime can man be in his ability to rise…and how low can he fall in his power to destroy!"

A Piece of Motivation

It's the choices we make that brought us where we are and will bring us where we want to be...

Today, I attended a 3- hour session that I thought would be just like the other sessions we had to attend this seminar which are dreadfully boring. But with this one, I actually managed to be attentive for the most part of it despite some of the eyebrow-raising things the speakers claimed about themselves. I just don't easily buy what other people especially strangers tell me. You shouldn't, too. Ways on how to become successful and be the better version of yourself are the main topics. Fascinating, huh? I would like to share with you guys the points that made an impact on me...

You've got to know what you really want in life. Remember that it will not be served to you on a silver platter. You've got to take actions and work for it! Be consistent, persistent and focused! And soon enough, you'll get there!

Do not be afraid to cross the line towards success! Some may see it as a wall, but instead look at it as a thin line. Try minimizing your exposure with people who settle for mediocrity and those who prevent you from crossing the line! Free yourself from doubts and reasons why you can't go there! Think positively! Refuse settling for just the average! You've got to aim for greatness!

At 211 degrees, water is hot. At 212 degrees, it boils. And with boiling water, comes steam. And steam can power a train. One tiny degree made a huge difference. This concept has a message that reminds us of how a small amount of extra effort and attention can have a big impact on results.

People are judgmental by nature, yes? And most of the time, it's your actions or how you project yourself that affect their judgements. So if you're being judged to be somebody you're not or you want to change the way you're being judged, let's say you're judged to be arrogant or a snob, maybe you could ask yourself if what led people to think so. Maybe your actions scream "arrogant"/"snob", so what you have to do to change that is maybe you could try to project a softer and a more inviting exterior. It's just as simple as acting on how you wanna be perceived or judged.

I still have so much to share but for some reason as I rummage through my mind, some of the ideas appear to be vague... I'm positive this is not some sort of a memory gap... Well, I hope not. Haha! This seminar is just what I needed! It just gave me that push to actually go after what I want! I'm definitely going to apply these and see where life takes me! Anyway, I do hope that these things would come in handy not only for me but also for y'all. :)

“Can I purchase some contraceptive pills?”

You heard it right, I wasn't looking for a way to get attention, but attention gave me something to Write. So here is the story..  When people hear you talking about contraceptive methods, sex or reproductive health, it becomes a taboo, Without knowing what that even means.. Believe it or not I'm talking about this society I'm living in, Male', so imagine the situation of an island, I bet its worse than this..
People who know me, or my friends think I'm an expert of this things, cox i talk about it when i feel its right, I believe its something we should know, I write about it in my blog, so its not a big deal if they wanna know and ask me.. Some of them don't even recognize this as a taboo, since they don't talk about it at all. (I'm not telling you to "talk about it" but to know)

I was thinking of what I should write this week, till a friend of mine called and asked me questions on contraceptive pills or Depo-Provera . ( people presume I am an expert on this, I am clueless as to how the assumption was created, but it is existent, so I am forced to deal with it)
So yes, she goes on to tell me, that she needs to stop her periods since its not very regular and asked me how she is gonna get some pills, and how it works.

Here I am left wondering what she needs to learn in the long term. But in the meantime try to tell her to go get a medical checkup, so that all the doubts will be resolved and she would not be giving me details. I pity the girl, then again, life is not predictable, and precaution is always best.( So I have come to believe these days, at least.)

It's not that easy to get those pills, especially if you are  not married, its regulated for a good reason (i guess.) but what you need to know is, not to judge people for things that you see from outside..
Yes! Here I’m not going to talk about contraceptive pills, pregnancy, health issues or anything like that, but how easily people draw conclusions and judge!!
First you need to know me, (I'm 23, not married yet, 4"11 and really tinny tiny.. i mean I’m very thin.. I don’t see that as a problem, and if I tell you my weight you'll be like 'OMG!! Ur so small and Tiny’ “you don’t eat?') Well it doesn't matter what you think! I know me, my body, things which is related to me, things I like to do and what I like to eat (and the list can still go on)
I have something (not something) which some people are not aware of, which is known as Endometriosis (Go to the link If ur interested to knw) and please don't tel me thats the reason why I'm so thin!! (I knw some people will think that too cox i have heard it a lot)
Well thats not the reason why I'm telling you i have endometriosis, but the treatment I'm taking for it, Its contraceptive pills and injections. (knw about it on ur own if u want to . :P ) Trust me its a big headache when you have to follow certain rules in your life for some stupid reasons you have no control over. First few months I dint go to buy those pills and injections here in Male' since doctor gave me medicine for first two months in Lanka, (that’s where i started my treatment.)
But the judging part started here in Male', since the first time i went to IGMH to get my injections! I went to nursing station, i gave her my prescription and injection,  she stared at me for a minute and asked me "Pain sux ryt" ( that’s verbal Abuse!!) pooofhhh is that even a question to ask from a patient?  then she told me "ur so thin how am i suppose to give u this injection" (what the hell) that’s the only thing which came to my mind. 
I really get mad at people who judge me (I can say this thousand more times, if ur ready to listen)

So I thought for a test run, I will go purchase some contraceptive pills for myself at the STO Pharmacy. So I walk in, very sure of myself, and tell the pharmacist. “Can I purchase some contraceptive pills?” and she goes “what?”
I repeat “contraceptive pills”
I get a blank look and a little blushing of the cheeks.
I think we know why people do not go to purchase contraceptive pills. You do not want to be running off from a pharmacy hiding two tablets which the pharmacist discretely puts into your hands.
And yes, an average person would be quite discouraged to go through the ordeal, I thought, while the person standing behind gave me a weird look on getting a glimpse of what I said.
Sigh!

Then i gave her my prescription, and she realized i was talking to her.. (its just a small part of it, Every time when i go there or anywhere else there are people who are ready to judge and tell me, without knowing me) and that pisses me off!!!

As always i tell you this, It's my life. I'll live it, I'll love it, and I won't care what you think of it. You’ll never ever meet another like me. Unless you have lived my life, don’t judge me cause, you don’t know, never have & never will know every little thing & detail about my life.!!

I am feeling insecure, so what next?

 This week has been a turmoil of insecurities in my head, this post is just a set of thoughts that emerged after I tried to reason out my insecurities and how I should deal with it.

One thing about relationships, you don’t get to experience, being an outsider, is the insecurities involved. I am not sure if it is something which is felt to some extent by everyone, or its just a few who get a doze of them as they get a feel of what a real relationship could be like. Forget about the real relationship, even a budding one can throw in a bunch of insecurities.

If someone were to think straight and objective, and put a third person in place of themselves, and have a logical view at these insecurities, I guess they would be laughing how stupid one can be. I guess I have always been that third person, who looks at people’s insecurities and think, why are they so much worried about such small thinks. I am beginning to see why they do.

Being insecure and needy, has always been frowned upon in a relationship, just the other day I was watching an episode of That 70′s show, where the Fez is taught not to be needy with his girlfriend, and that sparked a thought immediately about all my relationships and how needy I have been in them. Its not just the husband/wife or the boyfriend/girlfriend I am talking about, may be its a friendship, may be its with your parents, with your cousins, with your colleagues, any relationship for that matter. I have always been needy, and more the expectations, more the disappointment. Going with the 70′s analogy, I have never been the cool Steven Hyde in any of my relations, I don’t think I would ever be.

Coming back to insecurities, is it the lack of confidence, which shows up as insecurities?. I guess it does look like the most obvious explanation. When there is a lack of self confidence, or the confidence on the other person involved in the relationship, obviously it would end up in insecurities. But its not as simple as that, confidence is not something which can build up over night, that would be blind trust which can turn out to be a hoax at many times. So as we build confidence and trust over time, there are bound to be insecurities, I guess it depends how we begin to cope with it and in turn build the confidence.  Guys, it would be wonderful to learn some tips on this regard, how did you build the confidence in the self and the  trust in your partner.

Does the importance you attach to the person or the relationship add to the level of insecurities?, do you tend to feel insecure with people or relations you care the  most?. I think this too is a very obvious thought, I think most of us feel most insecure with people who matter the most. There is no way we can change how much people matter to us, so how do we deal with heightened insecurities in such cases?. I guess talking openly about them helps, where we tend to share our insecurities with that person, I am sure if the person cares about you, he or she will try to discuss out your fears and try to reason you out, giving you some sense of security. This is extremely tricky because, it constantly puts the worry that the other person might mistake you to be this insecure snob and spoil your image. I guess this is a risk worth taking, or rather its something I would take.

I guess biggest source of insecurity is another insecurity, thats the fear of losing what we have. Fear of losing has morphed into so many worries to the humans, I cant even begin discussing it. How would one really get rid of it?. any ideas?. According to me, there is no way one can rid of it, we all have to deal with this fear in one form or the other through out our life. I personally am negative in approach, I always start with the assumption I am going to lose it. My idea of it, is that way It wouldn’t disappoint much when I actually lose it.

Believe me, it does NOT work, the optimist in me is hidden at every step letting me know its just the wall you are building, surely you are not going to lose it. Have you ever felt both the side of the voices in your own head, you are trying to tell yourself you are going to fail, at the same time you know that you want to win, this is just a fake shield you have put against yourself.

I guess the more or less sure I am not the first person to feel this, and wont be the last either, I think the other person involved also has some of sort of his or her own insecurities, but then thats the problem with real life dilemmmas, when its you who is struck in that, you can really be all logical and all objective.

Thoughts to think

For ages together, people seem to fail to notice difference between “wedding” and a “marriage”. One is a ceremony other an institution. I agree with the opinion that many of the weddings these days are about showing off, and is a place for gossip mongers, however I do not agree that marriage is such a thing, I do not think when it comes to “marriage” there is any place for showing off, gossip, and finding fault with each other. I know one or more of the above mistakes are pretty common in many marriages, but this can happen in any relationship between a man and a woman, you don’t need to be married to face such issues. It depends on the individuals involved to keep them out of the marriage, just like in any relationship

When two people decide to spend their lives together without having to go through a marriage, it’s their choice. I do not think, there is anything wrong with it. Just like living together is a way of life, marriage too is an institution which has its own set of meanings, advantages, concerns, cons etc. One cannot dismiss marriage as a useless thing, just because they do not want to be part of it. Marriage might be one of the relationship, which has been widely accepted by society, but that does not mean that society is the only reason one needs to get married. Marriage is way of stating one’s commitment to each other, establishing a stable environment for each other to co-depend, co-exist, and grow both individually and as a couple. The important thing here is “co”. If a couple choose to do this without actually getting ‘married’, it’s absolutely fine, I would be happy for them. But one cannot make a common statement that, all people who get married are for the sake of society, or that all marriages are like having a heavy chain worn across your neck. If you have this opinion, then either you have no clue what the marriage is, or your idea of a marriage is based mainly on the mindless episodes shown on TV.

Another major argument against marriage for years has been that of the loss of freedom. People go hours together how one looses freedom in a marriage. Firstly I would like to know how would one define freedom?. Is it ability to do whatever we want, whenever we want?. I strongly disagree, if that were to be the definition of freedom.
When a child is born, parents take care of their children; teachers make sure the kids learn the right values; relatives, friends and family guide them in matters of importance. In doing so, because of care, concern and shear experience, there are many a cases when a child is not allowed to do what it wants, does it mean it has no freedom?.

Freedom should not be defined as ability to do whatever we want to do, it should be defined as privilege of doing what we want to do, considering both the short and long term consequences of the act both on the self, and people around. Here is where the experience and society comes in. Not every individual has the capacity or ability to think of all possible consequences of their act on themselves, let alone on others around them. Here is where the experience matters, age, society, variety, etc can help in contributing to one’s choice of action. In doing so indirectly making sure freedom is being used appropriately.

I agree not everything, society/elders say is valid, but I do not agree that all the things they say is invalid. At a point of time, I might not be in a position to comprehend the reasons or the logic behind a particular rule [I would prefer to say ideology], but each of us have been given education, experience and ability to analyze and accept and reject things which come our way. It is the society collectively which provides us with this ability.

Coming back to marriage resulting into loss of freedom. What makes us believe such a thing wouldn’t happen in companionship without marriage. How many boy/girls are guilty of being possessive of their girlfriends/boyfriends and restricting their activities, how many people can be found guilty of tracking each and every movement of their partners.

So what if you are answerable to your spouse after marriage? What’s wrong with it? Why is it considered to be a loss of freedom?
Wouldn’t you feel great, when your spouse takes care of your things, helps you out in many a things and you return by helping him/her out when a need arises?
Isn’t concern a valid emotion? I do agree that there are possibilities of everything going overboard resulting in lack of peace. But how is that exclusive to marriage? Finally it all boils down to individuals, both inside or outside a marriage.

I guess just because one does not find a need for marriage, doesn’t mean that marriage can be dismissed.
If one can attain the sanctity of a marriage outside it, or chooses not to attain the same, there is nothing wrong with it. But by doing so, I do not think they get to dismiss the institution of marriage.

Looking out, do we need it?

Its really great to protect someone, looking out for them, making them feel we are always there for them, making sure they do not make mistakes, and if they do cover for them. All of us would have done one or more of this for friends, relatives, people we care about at one point of our life. At the end of it we feel happy. But the question is should we?

Lot of places, we get to decide what we do, and we decide based on our support system. Some do it based on the risk factor, some do it on instincts, some do it on advice and some they just do it. None of the above decision making methods can guarantee success, but some more than others have been proven more in the history, and again it boils down to a person’s nature to choose any method.

I have always looked out for people I care, and in many cases gone out of the way to make sure they do not end up making the mistake. But lately I have developed alternate thinking towards it. Lately there has been a lot of change and one is my approach. Recently, I have had some dilemmas, where I felt a dear one was making a mistake. A friend, A relative and A colleague. All three in different facets in my life. I do not want to mention the mistakes, as I do not want to offend them, In fact that was the whole point. As I choose, not to tell them. What I really felt about their decision. I realized, its important to let them make mistakes. they might suffer a problem or two, but it sure makes them learn. All the 3 people involved, I was sure they are mature enough to deal with their mistakes, and am sure they would come out of it more strongly.

Our society is guilty of too much looking out. There are too many people to tell you what to do and what not to. But if the person is not let to learn from the smaller mistakes, what would he do when he gets to face the real problems in life.

Relationships, priorities and money all can be a big thing, but till one point of time in life, they can be corrected. But a person learning to fight his own battles, more than that owning up to his mistakes and overcoming it, is a bigger lesson to teach, rather then using the shortcuts and providing them with an answer.

"You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar"

We meet many people in our work and personal life, many of them want to get some work done out of you, or you would want a work done out of them. What I am trying to get at, is, we end up spending lot of time communicating and interacting with people whom you may or may not know.

When it comes to interaction, people are really unique, but attitude is something which can be categorized. After years of experience below my belt, there is one attitude which really irritates me, even though my anger has become so much controlled these days, still this one gets me totally pissed off.

The attitude I am talking about is “accusation“. There are some people who always tend to speak as if they are accusing you. Its really sad that they don’t understand how badly they can hurt the other person. Accusation is not generally taken well by me, or for that matter anyone. Even though that person is wrong, we should have a way of telling it. I know and agree with all supportive arguments to being open and straight forward. Being open or straight forward does not mean accusing some one.

When it comes to work life, you interact with so many of your juniors, peers and even seniors. The first thing that emerging leaders/leaders should learn according to me is never accuse some one of something. Even without accusing you can bring the problem to the notice of the person. Try to explain the problem and its impacts and repercussions, offer to help if required. That would form a very good impression on your juniors. More than the impression, it will motivate the person to solve the problem.

Even in day to day life, when you try to get work out of people, I have seen so many people accusing the other person for bad work or results which may not be as expected. This is normal and bound to happen, I guess people should develop a little more patience and tolerance to the unexpected and unacceptable outcomes.

Anyways, When it comes to me, If you need some work done out of me, now you know, what not to do. Watch your tone and attitude!!!.