Loved by Many..

 

 Before I say anything else : thank you, thank you for your prayers and well-wishes!

The surgery went as well as I ever could have hoped for! I have finally 'officially' been diagnosed with endometriosis (might sound kind of weird to be excited about that, but it's great to finally have a definite answer) and the cysts that they found were all removed. Great news! My doctor also said that due to the location of the cysts, my fertility doesn't appear to have been negatively affected yet. Amazing news! I'm thrilled with both of these outcomes and I'm convinced it was the prayers, good vibes, and positivity from all the amazing people around me. Including those of you who follow along here! Thank you!

So, now what happens?

Thrilled as I was to have finally been properly diagnosed, the problem with endometriosis is that there isn't a cure.

Removing the cysts is a temporary solution, but my body will continue to create that tissue and endometriosis will continue to grow inside my ovary. I also don't know if the Cysts were the cause of my pain, so we'll just have to wait for a few months and see if my pain is improving. Some women end up getting laparoscopies every few years to have their endometriosis continually removed.

According to my doctor, some women come in to the hospital with extreme pain and only one tiny speck of endometriosis. Other times, women come in to have a totally unrelated procedure, and once they're opened up, doctor's find a mess of endometriosis everywhere, but the woman had never felt any symptoms. That's part of this that I don't really understand. But I'm feeling optimistic about everything and hoping to be able to slow the growth of the endo by continuing with the treatment and food to keep up my health in general, and starting the hormones that they'll be giving me in a few more weeks once I heal.


In a nutshell, the surgery was a success. Everything we could have wanted from the surgery, we got.
Now, it's just waiting and trying things out again. But at least now I have a clean slate and we know exactly what's wrong. No more guessing! It's an immense relief.

Currently, just focusing on recovering.

I've had my wonderful mom taking care of me, and my sweet dad has been very helpful too. Every day, I get less crampy and sore. Today is the first day that it hasn't hurt to laugh, which greatly widens my TV program selection. (I didn't realize how many comedies I watch until it hurt to laugh)

Life sure is exciting over here at home

I could say (and will continue to say) thank you a thousand times for the incredible encouragement that you've all given me. After the surgery, my mom was reading me all the kind words from people on Facebook and twitter and my phone. It was the first thing I heard when I woke up and it just started me off on the complete right foot for recovery. I'm feeling optimistic for the future, proud of my scars and what I've gotten through so far, and thankful beyond belief for this beautiful life I've got.

Highlights of the Surgery

It feels so good to start fresh.

A Good Advice..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EYw_mQCFYc

އެދޭނަމަ ލޯބި ވާންވީވެސް ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

އަދާވާތްތެރި ވިޔަސް ވާންވީ ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

އެދޭނަމަ ލޯބި ވާންވީވެސް ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

މުދާމަދު ދެރަ ފަގީރުންވެސް ވެޔޭ ފައިސާވެރިން ނަށްވެސް،

ވެދާނޭ އެންމެ ގާތްމީހުން ނުރައްކާ ދުޝްމިނުން ނަށްވެސް،

އަދާވާތް ތެރިވެ ރަހުމަތްތެރިވެ އުޅެޔޭ ނަހަމަ ހިތްވަރަކުން،

އެދޭނަމަ ލޯބި ވާންވީވެސް ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

ނިޝާނުންވެސް އެގޭނެ ނިގާޤު ބަލިހުރިނަމަ ވަމުންދާގޮތް

ހުޝާމަދަކީ ހަޤީގީ ލޯތްބަކަށް ނުފުދޭނެ ޝައްކެއް ނެތް،

ހިސާއަތުގައި މިހާރު އަޖާއިބުވެ މީހުން އުޅޭގޮތަކުން،

އެދޭނަމަ ލޯބި ވާންވީވެސް ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

ރަނގަޅު ގެރިބަކަރިވެސް ދަނެޔޭ އެޔަށް ކާންދީ އުޅޭމީހުން،

ރަނގަޅު ހެޔޮ ކޮންމެކަމަކަށް އޭގެ ހެޔޮ ބަދަލެއް އޮތުން ވާޖިބް،

ރަނގަޅުމާތް މުސްލިމުންނޭ އިސްނަގަންވީ ޚުލްޤު ހެޔޮ ހިތަކުން،

އެދޭނަމަ ލޯބި ވާންވީވެސް ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

ވިދާހާ އެއްޗަކީ ޚާލިސް ރަނޭ ކެރިގެން ބުނާނީ ކާކު،

ނިދާން ފިނިފެންމަލުގެ ތަންމައްޗަކަށް މިދުނިޔެ އެދޭނީ ކާކު،

ހަނދާންކޮށްލަން ޖެހޭ ދުނިޔޭގެ ދަތިކަން ކޮންމެ މަންޒަރަކުން،

އެދޭނަމަ ލޯބި ވާންވީވެސް ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

ނިދާފާ މިތިބެނީ މަރުވީމަޔޭ ކިރިޔާ އެހޭލެވުނީ،

ހަދާނެގޮތެއް ކުރާނެ ކަމެއް ނެތީމާ ކައްވަޅަށްދާނީ،

ނިދާނެ އެދެއް ވިދާ ހެދުމެއް ނުގެންދެވެޔޭ އެދާ ތަނަކުން،

އެދޭނަމަ ލޯބި ވާންވީވެސް ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

ހަލާކުވެދާނެ މިރިނުވެ ގޮބޮޅި ކާށި ވެގެން އުޅެންވީމާ،

މަލާމާތެއް ވަރަށް ނުލިބޭނެ އިޚްލާސްތެރިއަކަށް ވީމާ،

ސަލާމާތްވާން އޮތީ ހަމަ ރީތި އަޚުލާގެއްގެ ނިސްބަތަކުން،

އެދޭނަމަ ލޯބި ވާންވީވެސް ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

އަދާވާތްތެރި ވިޔަސް ވާންވީ ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

އެދޭނަމަ ލޯބި ވާންވީވެސް ހިތަށް ކުޅަދާނަ މިންވަރަކުން،

30 More days and I'll be Gone

Yes Im counting..

Dear Blog,

I have 30 days left for me to live this life..

30 days after today ill be lying in a hospital bed, waiting for a doctor to come and take my breath away, My pain away.. The pain in which ive lived for years..

I don't know what it would feel like to live a life without pain.. But i don't have another option.. I'm not happily waiting for 30 days to fly away and to meet my doctor.. He will take my pain away for few days and maybe he will lead me to another road of pain which will last forever.. And that's not the kind of life that anybody would ever wish for.. Then again I'm not just anyone but me..

I don't think i have ever been so scared before..

But Its ok, I'm gonna take a pill for the stomach cramps, and take another when that doesn't work..

Me,

Waiting..

Are We?

This world is not a permanent place, it is a passage, a road on which you are passing. There are two kinds of people here: One is the kind of those who have sold their souls for eternal damnation, the other is of those who have purchased their souls and freed them from damnation. "Imam Ali A.S.

Everyone wants to be free. There are no exceptions. Everyone wants the freedom to live the way they want to. Everyone hates being told what to do, and everyone dreads the possibility of their own decisions being influenced by anyone else. Everyone wants to feel that they are the ones influencing their own lives, that they are the only masters of their decisions. Everyone wants to be free. There's no arguing that.

Which is why everyone calls for freedom of speech, the freedom to express your opinions, the freedom to practice whatever religion you want, the freedom to wear whatever you want, the freedom to choose who makes up your government, the freedom to choose the kinds of food you eat and the products or services you use....and it goes on.

And today, almost everyone's living in a state of perceived freedom. Everyone's happy looking out into the world from their own bubbles.

What they don't realize is that they couldn't be further from freedom if they tried

“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” says Antoine de Saint- Exupery, French Pilot, Writer and Author of 'The Little Prince', 1900-1944)

Well then, there is something called enslaving people in their faces- telling them what to do and what not to do and in cases like this, the enslaved person knows they are enslaved. There is another thing which is much worse, where the enslaved is in a perceived state of freedom, but they are being told what to do and what not to do, except the difference this time is a control of the MIND whereby the enslaved person stays under the impression that they are behaving out of own free will and that they are free souls.

And this is the worst kind of slavery, because not only are their physical actions controlled but so are their hearts and souls, to the point that, in the case they ever face a free decision to make, they will prefer being enslaved. Their slavery has become a part of themselves so much so that stepping out of it is stepping out of the comfort zone. Empowering hearts and minds is the perfect perfect way to control the masses. Because:

"Until the become conscious they will never rebel, and until after they they have rebelled they cannot become conscious." -"1984" George Orwell

How can you think you are free when you are being fed so much from every corner, on all the things you can use to make you "happy"? Look at everybody around you and what they are chasing- they are all victims of this system that is enforcing everyone to run after worldly things- that give you a moment of empty pleasure, and then leaves you still hungry for more and more, until there is nothing left to take and yet you find yourself still unhappy and still unsatisfied.

They feed you images of almost naked women, images of money and more money, alcohol and drugs, trying to appeal to all your senses and engulf you into their slavery. If you have no foundation in yourself to start with, or an unstable one, you are going to be one of their successful projects- another easy victim, another mind and heart to control, another soul sold to us.

If you wear the clothes that the magazines tell you to wear, eat the food that the tv ads tell you to eat, look for the kind of love that the movies tell you you'll find, spend your savings on a car they tell you will turn heads, believe the stories on the news that the media tells you to believe, preach to others the stuff they tell you to preach; if you find yourself attaching your own value to material things, if you find yourself taking the word of the news withfout any questioning, if you find yourself referring to movies for the definition of what's cool and what's not, if you find yourself listening to their music with all your heart and letting the words sink, if you find yourself constantly referring to new rules of what to think, believe, act,
know then, that you are not free.

And you'll never be free until you realize that you can only be truly happy when you are truly free. You can never be truly free unless your happiness does not rely on anything material, anything worldly, anything TEMPORARY. When you think for yourself. When you let go of all these desires being forced into you, and focus on true soulful nutrition and inner peace. When your one and only reliance is one the One and Only Independent God, the Only Perfection, who alone can guarantee your happiness and your freedom.

Because you are a human, you have the right to be free, and the only thing worthy of your total submission is Perfection.

So don't be a sheep in the flock, and don't give up your soul to anyone. Ask yourself, is this all the world has to offer?

3:160 If God helps you, none can overcome you: If He forsakes you, who is there, after that, that can help you? in God, then, let believers put their trust.

2:16 These are they who have bartered Guidance for error: But their traffic is profitless, and they have lost true direction

2:90 Miserable is the price for which they have sold their souls

9:111 God hath purchased of the believers their persons and their goods; for theirs in return is the garden (of Paradise): they fight in His cause, and slay and are slain: a promise binding on Him in truth, through the Law, the Gospel, and the Qur'an: and who is more faithful to his covenant than God? then rejoice in the bargain which ye have concluded: that is the achievement supreme.

There's no feeling that even gets close to what you feel when you're at war with yourself..

God, sometimes I just wish I could get away from everything.

It feels like there is no one to talk to. I used to think as long as I could talk to you, I would be alright. But is it just me or are there just too many differences now? There's so much distance. We can't even talk to each other, we can't even connect. Where does that leave us then?


I wish even one person in my life got it. The fact that sometimes I was alone and maybe I needed help and I needed someone to be there for me and maybe realize there was so much I wasn't saying.

But everyone just wants what they want and they've all got their own agendas and their own needs to fulfill  and hey, why should I expect otherwise of anyone? Even you? I love you all and I give you my heart and myself but in the end there is sometimes this ugly fact to face, that I might as well have tossed it all out the goddamn window, for all the good it's done me.

To get a dream of a life again
A vision of the start and the end
But all the choirs in my head sang no...

An Open Letter..

Dear Eve-teaser,

I understand breasts are beautiful things. I also agree that they call out to you. Or so you imagine. But what sexual gratification do you derive from brushing your hand across some random woman's, in the evening traffic rush or on the road walking? Is that a public property? How can you? And dare you?

Besides the fact that the random woman has already had the worst day, and is trying to get past all that, get home and get ready for a harder day tomorrow, you decide that it wasn't enough. And do what you do.

The next time around, she will find you and skin you. Blind you with her finger (which you rightfully deserves). Scream into your eardrums, the most unspeakable of adjectives about your mother and your sister. Mark her words.

You moronic Fucktard. Mark her words.

Best regards
Random Woman

I Did Not Quit..

It's the online social networking that gets you. Between updating my Facebook status, tweeting, and instagram-ing, I forgot what it was like to truly write; to pour my soul out on a piece of paper, or a blog. I was so caught up in letting everyone know every thought in my head every two seconds, that when it came time to write something meaningful, something with substance, I was totally blank.
So yesterday I deactivated my FB account and I stopped tweeting (Not that i stopped for like more dan an Hour, but more like yeah let it be hehe), and all day I've been itching to write. Listening to The Lumineers, making steak and chocolate lava cake, and drafting houses did little to curb my enthusiasm to start typing something, anything, here.

This post isn't much to read. It's me testing my theory of internet socializing taking over a person's brain. And I guess it hold true, at least for me. So, expect more. I'm excited!